KISMET

Hi,

I don’t know how or when we will going to meet each other. I don’t even know if I’d already met you or if so, when will you ask me out. All I know is that I want to make this relationship work whenever this happen. Just like what normal dreamers do. I really want to have a relationship that will last forever.

First and foremost, I would like to tell you that I am a very outgoing person. You may see me act silly and weird when I’m with my friends and way far different if it’s just you and I. When you think that I’m a little out of control with my emotions, feel free to tell me. I tend to become serious if in need. I value my friends but I will value you more than them, because I know at some point they will understand me.
Second Communication: I understand if you’re busy with schedule of if you’re doing something, but if you find a minute to text me what, why, here and there without even having me asking for it, I will certainly appreciate it, “just let me know”. I would really, really love it if you call me before you go to sleep and share me stories of what happen to you throughout the day. I would love to know that I am probably the last voice you hear for the night and I would really love it if you sent me a good morning text, just to inform me that my better half is already awake and that gives me a sign that you always remembers me everytime you woke up. I don’t care how early in the morning it is, I still love it. And I hope, you and I could be on the same roof so that I could prepare your breakfast or even watch you while you are sleeping.
As much as I would love to see you, I know we have busy schedules, it’ll be fine seeing you once or even twice a week, but if you’re free, why not more? That would make me happy very happy, but there will be days when I would want to hang out with my friends, and I’m sure you would like to have time with your friends too. Just text or call me when you get home, and I shall do the same.
Most importantly we should know our own priorities and responsibilities. I understand a lot of things, mostly because I’ve been through a lot. Just let me know before anything else. I know at some point we will tend to argue small stuffs, that’s because we are still adjusting with the traits of each other. One thing is for sure, it’s just you and I nothing else.

Sincerely,
James

JONNELLE RANARA

"You made me believe that even the asshole person I know in this world, could have a big heart, after all :) "

The first time you ask us to answer the trainor-survey I felt like just a normal trainors-self-survey-form thing we usually did in school. You know writing the negative and positive traits of our trainor so that maybe they could change what must be change for good and for good of all his students. :)

But as time pass by, that "Trainors-self-survey-from" seemed to be an "Appreciation Letter" for me. Everytime before we take the assessment you always say "okay answer first the survey before we proceed to your assessment..."

Yes, exactly ! I know what to do.

To give you an idea of what I usually write for him It goes like this...

"Thank you Jon ! keep in my mind that when I say it, I mean it. I hope that by saying this in unlimited way doesn't spoil its meaning to you. Thanks for teaching us everything under the sun not just the things that we have to learn in our training but most especially the things that we have to learn in life.
 We are learning for more than TP's paying for. Thank you for teaching us without making us feel like we're such a dummies and for your selfless imparting us your knowledge. Thanks for giving us the EXAMS of our lives, exam which almost felt like a FINAL EXAMS in school.

You know what you have been so hard on us... Oh come on I know you know that :)

But like a father, you only want whats the best for us, like a father you wont help us when we fall on the ground while playing basketball or whatever you name it. Rather you would look on us with your tiger-looking eyes that says "Get up son! I believe in you. I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT""

"just imagine the feeling that someone still believes in you even when you have fallen a thousand times, feels good right??? "

You are such a blessings to everyone of us.

You have unselfishly shared your story to us and that may be the reason why we feel so close to you. I mean, few trainors only do that -- sharing their life stories and showing their students their weakness and soft sides. Who are we to be treated like this by a fully-experienced highly-respected man... Just honored :)

Well maybe this is your calling. With that position and love you have for teaching! Who would oppose that this is really your calling. You are born and meant to do this.

For those times you would utter the magic words "okay answer first the survey before we proceed to your assessment..." I thank him because I never ran out of things to write..never....I'll be forever be thankful for a gift like you, Great Trainors still do exist...Thank God.

PS:

To future trainee of this trainor. Guys! Believe what you are about to experience and forget what you heard :)
best wishes....

I Promise To Myself

Promise myself to be strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.


Talk to health happiness and prosperity to every person I meet.


To make my friends feel that there is something in them. To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true. To think only of the best, to work only for the best and expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about on my own. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature I meet a smile. To give so much time to the improvement of myself that I have no time to criticize others. To be too large for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

A grade of 4.0 .?

At first I thought, I am ready on what are the possible things that might happen...but now , I'm here very depressed and down on what had happened. Honestly, I‘m not bitter because I failed S.A.D. defense as a matter of fact, before I enter the defense room and present to the panelist, I already told to myself that I have a very big chance of failing. Pero the way the panelist prasie my hardships duh !are very contradicting on the grades that they gave to me triple 4.0 ? shit ! anu ako mangmang. I know I’m not good in programming but I know deep inside I know my effort I know na may kabuluhan yung ginawa ko they gave me a 4.0 kasi they are very bothered kung kakayanin ko ba sa S.S.D. ee mga anak ng teteng naman pala sila ee..why they don’t try me. “IF THER’S A WILL THERE’S A WAY”.  

In two weeks I came up almost the same output with the group that kicked me out. Then they got 2.63 fuck sila na mismo nagsabi di nalalayo yung gawa ko sa kanila pero yung grade na binigay nila ee napakalayo sa katotohanan. 4.0 para sa docu .? para sa Presentation.? Para Prototype.? Para sa Question and Answer .? sinong tangang maniniwala na makakakuha ako ng 4.0 nung time na yun ee may nakapanuod sa defense ko. They told me MAGALING yung ginawa ko. PILI lang yung sinagot ko ng tagalog as a matter of fact they amazed sa mga sagot ko. They didn’t expect na ganun ako kagaling magsalita ng english. Shit naman bakit ba naman kasi nangyayari sakin to!’

Test of FAITH.??? DAMN !!!... ee ako nga amost gumagawa nung grupo pa kami ee ako pa inalis nila .? well that is a past ! next is  di ba nila nakita yung effort ko 3weeks para magprepare para sa lahat .?  nakakainis ...di ko tlga kayang tanggapin yung 4.0 na grade ee..ayaw ko tlga !!!..

Another thing is how can I get a triple 4.0 knowing the fact na one of the panelist is laging nasa labas he doesnt even heard me defending my system. Anu to lokohan .???

I said before that no matter what happened I’m going to accept it ! pero yung ganito.??? NO WAY..it’s a BIG NO NO !.

DAMN !!!

Out-of-the-Blue

Saint Joseph Shrine

Well kanina habang pauwi na ako di ko inaasahan na sa pagbaba ko ng jeep ee sa simbahan ako dadalhin ng aking mga paa..Di naman nakakapagtaka kasi lagi naman ako nagsisimba ee...pero iba yung pakiramdam kanina may biglang nagtulak sakin na pumasok sa adoration chapel ng Saint Joseph Shrine sa may Anonas di ko mapigilan na lumuha habang kausap Siya ramdam na ramdam ko yung presence Niya kanina. Alam ko na nasa tabi ko lang siya..

Salamat at nabigyan ulit ako ng panibagong lakas ng loob na kaharapin ulit tong mga pagsubok na kinakaharap ko...

Salamat po talaga !

EXPECT LESS

When you least expect, something great might come along. Something better than you even planned for.If you want to avoid disappointments, expect less. As a person, I think of the worst happenings first, before the good ones. When it happens, it won’t shock or hurt me anymore. Sometimes when you’re good at one thing, people tend to expect more from you. Like everything you do "NEEDS'' to be stronger and stronger each time. They think that it’s easy for you to do such things but the little they know, it’s already pressuring you to push yourself more and more just to please them.

Parents expect high from their children. When the child doesn’t meet their expectations, they tend to compare their child to other children. And it hurts for the child to hear such things. Even if the point of being compared is to challenge the child, it doesn’t come out that way. It would only hurt their feelings. My parents always compare me to other kids, and I was thinking, they should just support me rather than rubbing it to my face that they’re better and I am useless. Anyway, I just hate being compared and put into high expectations.

I believe that when you expect less, good things come out from it

A night to be cherish...

I didn’t expect that those people that I abandoned before will be the same people who will be by my side when I needed a friend to lean on…nakakatouch sobra…kanina while waiting for my turn to defend my SO-CALLED “PROPOSED SYSTEM”.  There are group of friends (actually there are my classmates : Loydie, Lorat, Ash, Gab, Rea and yung boyfriend ni Ash we used to call them as PUCHOS)na lumapit sakin to pray for me, I’m so blessed that I have them because of them mas lalong nag-ignite yung drive ko to pass that fucking system study. Well, at the very first place they asked me to be their groupmate but because of giving too much importance for tainted friendship I’ve refused their offer.

Hmmm actually as of now I have this a little regret in my heart na sana I just broke my promise na lang with her  edi sana I am enjoying my entire S.A.D. life with this people.

But then, I am already here all I have to do is to fight to pass this subject. I know I’m so ambitious to think na magagawa ko to but who knows we’ll see on FINAL ORAL DEFENSE…

Thanks sa lahat ng mga taong sumusuporta sakin salamat talaga...

A Goodbye Letter :'(

"A letter from my SCHOOLMATE slash EX-CLASSMATE slash EX-FRIEND slash EX-TATAY. He send it to me via yahoo mail last February 14, 2012".

Goodbye for now, not for forever. I am fairly sure our paths will continue to meet. Maybe someday we’ll be better and prepared for whatever comes our way, but I cannot anymore handle the pain you have unknowingly caused me.

Don’t get me wrong. You have made me very happy just by sharing yourself and your life with me. The memories will stay in my heart forever. From the time we first started going out and up until now, you have unfailingly shown me how it is to be really cared for and cherished. At the same time you have managed somehow my worst always reminding me that I’m the best and truly the one that you’ve dreamed of and no one else’s. I thank you for that. You made me see how two incompatible persons can actually become real friends and true lovers could be. For the moments that we’ve shared, the tears the laughter and the memories, thank you.

We have dreamed together. Laughed together. Whenever I needed your comfort and strength, your level-headedness and rationality, you were always there for me. Our relationship has gone through a lot of things ranging from the serious (“I hate to admit it to you outright but for me you are my boyfriend.”) to the stupid and we were able to weather the storms together, you and I mainly because we knew how to properly steer the relationship back to its proper course.

I guess the only thing that went wrong is the accompanying issues of where this relationship is really headed and the roles we will actually play in each other’s lives.

No one to blame. Not you, nor me, nor whoever else is sharing you with me, maybe I’m just a victim of circumstance like you. And since the circumstances surrounding our relationship have changed, I don’t anymore know if I can handle things the same way I’ve handled them before. Your presence and your help will not matter, and only time calls heal the wounds and damaged that this caused me. Seeing you and being with you when we spend time together gives me a certain kind of happiness only you can give. But every time you leave me, my heart breaks, knowing for certain that you also have to attain your dreams and will.

I am hurting and I have to heal my wounds alone. I cannot do this with you in my life, because every time you leave me, the pain recurs.

I will miss you. I will miss you very, very, very much. But contrary to what I used to believe, I’m not as tough as I thought I would be. I try so hard to be strong, to think that other relationships you have with them do not matter, but they do matte, a lot. So I have to let you go now. I do not want to do this but I must. I know I’ll be hurting myself more by saying goodbye to you now, but I am unable to continue as if things haven’t changed.

I have to expect the worst so that I’ll be ready. But the expectations and assumptions do not compare to reality. No matter how I tried to accept things as they were, no matter how much I tried to prepare myself, the pain really strikes me every time I think of what happen.

I love you so much I really do it hurts to say goodbye. But I am ashamed to admit that no matter how much I love you, no matter how deep my feelings already are for you, I cannot stay in the relationship anymore and fight for you, for us. What is there to fight for? My love for you, which you do not want to acknowledge? A future with you which looks very uncertain at this time? It is difficult to stay and fight when I know and it’s obvious to my part that you can’t anymore.

Maybe I did unconsciously change the rules in the middle of the relationship. I know and I acknowledge that I am fully to blame for everything. I was forewarned. I knew what I was getting myself into. But as the months have passed, maybe the attachment grew stronger. My appreciation of your companionship bred feelings and thoughts that couldn’t control and are now the cause of this pain. I thought you could shelter me forever that you would be careful that I wouldn’t get hurt. But carelessness on your end, and too much snooping at my end to be lethal.

I have changed. I am hurting and I wasn’t hurting before. I am becoming more critical of you and the things that you do and do not do. I expect you to make up for everything that has happened because I still believe that given the fact that we have been in our relationship longer, I will come first. I will be given more attention. I will be the “primus inter pares’ the first among equals. I even harbor the hope that you will try to court me and win me back fully, something which I know will never happen. I have faults coz I expected a lot from you.

You will forever be a part of my life, thank you for making me a part of yours. I will always remember you and the past months with a smile and with wistfulness. I am afraid that if I stay, something will be destroyed, either be part of you, a part of me, our friendship or the relationship itself. I don’t really know. At least by leaving now, I am sure that everything remains intact, the relationship beautiful untouched unmarred by jealousy and hatred we both don’t deserve a relationship that would always be fraught with questions and conditions. I am unable to see myself as a true-blue kept man anyway. I’m tired of waiting for your actions, coz the moment this things gets longer, the more I am going to lose myself.

I cannot hold on to something I don’t believe in anymore. I would have been really nice to grow old with you to laugh with you while reminiscing about the years that have passed to share with you my whole life, and I would share with you mine. But I guess now is not right time for us, or maybe we’re just not meant to be really together, now or forever, I don’t really know. You deserve someone who will fully understand your needs and your personality.

I love you… I Love you very, very much. I don’t want to leave just yet, but I really feel that I have to, coz everything that happens now is just a cycle. Thank you very much for always being there for me when I needed you most. Thank you for sharing yourself with me, if only for a few months of your life. In fact, my life will never be the same without you in it, I miss you the whole you.

You have been the love of my life without me expecting it. Maybe when our paths meet again, we would be both ready for whatever we really meant to be. Friends, lovers, husband and husband we’ll see only time will tell...

I’ll miss you and I love you so much...

CHASING PAVEMENTS

I don’t know what to do or what to type. Don’t know why I’m feeling so down. Why am I carrying a heavy burden in my chest right now. Don’t know why I care too much. Don’t know why I keep silent even though I know I should have shoveled it in right now. I don’t understand why these tears keep on falling even though I fight it, I just can’t. I hate crying, I really do. It’s just that these feelings make it harder and harder for me to focus. I wanna be numb. I don’t wanna feel anything for a day. I just wanna feel nothing. Free me from this emotion. Just for a day ‘cause when I start to feel something, I just feel pain.

One-Man-Team

Well, I know nagtataka kayo kung saan ko nakukuha yung lakas ng loob ko ngayon? alam ko sa totoong industry di kakayanin ng iisang taong lang aa gumawa ng isang system and well isa akong mayabang na estudyante at nagawa kong maisip na kaya kong gawin to ng mag-isa. Ito lang naman yung reason dyan ee :

wala naman nakong magagawa ee. I am not a QUITTER I know I used to say mahirap or kaya naman   nakakatamad nasasabi ko yun kasi di na kinakaya ng katawan ko pero I know deep inside of me I know I can make it. I know my mind can make it even at my lowest point. And di ako isang klase ng bata na sumusuko na lang mag-isa, ayaw kong tanggapin na Ma-DROP lang ako ng walang napapatunyan o kaya naman di ko man lang napigilan yung pagbagsak ko.

I know my capabilities above anything else. I know myself more than anything else. I know my weaknesses and  strengths. So kung di ko man lang sinubukan na lumaban hanggang dulo ee napakatanga ko. Walang masama kung hindi ko ipaglalaban to, walang masama kung susubukan ko, walang masama kung gawin ko to. Nandito na ko naiipit na ko sa sitwasyon na to hindi nako susuko.

Isa pa, may mga taong naniniwala sa kakayahan ko, may mga taong sumusuporta sa akin, may mga taong umaasa na makakaya ko, so hindi ko sisisrain yung pagtitiwala na ibinibigay nila sa akin.

Kung ano man ang mangyari sa laban na to well all i have to do is to ACCEPT. 

IM THE BEST CANCER EVER

************************************************************


well all I can say is let this game be started...watch me I can be a CANCER that will KILL ALL OF YOU..
YOU...ALL OF YOU ARE BITCH....

wala kang utang na loob aa...paalala lang aa...
kung hindi dahil sa CANCER NA TO..WALA PA DIN KAYONG SYSTEM NA GINAGAWA

kung hindi dahil sa CANCER NA TO..WALA KA.

kung hindi dahil sa CANCER NA TO..WALA KAYONG MAIPREPRESENT.

kung hindi dahil sa CANCER NA TO..WALA KAYO SA KUNG ANONG MERON KAYO.

PAALALA LANG WALA KANG NI.ISANG NAITULONG SA SYSTEM NA YAN...

WELL, ganto na lang di ako kasi yung TIPO NG TAO NA MAGPAPATALO LANG BASTA-BASTA EE...

ALL OF YOU CAN BE FAILED IN S.A.D. IF I WANT...WATCH OUT I CAN DO IT...

The Real Me

This year puros problema yung kinakaharap ko. Alam ko tests lang ang lahat ng mga ito, challenge sakin para mas maging mabuting tao. Pero honestly, hindi ko na alam kung paano ko ito haharapin ng buong tapang…hindi ko na alam kung dapat ko pa bang ipaglaban yung prinsipyo ko sa buhay…hindi ko na alam kung dapat ko pa bang ipagpatuloy yung mga bagay na nasimulan ko na…hindi ko na alam kung tatanggapin ko na lang na isuka ako ng mga taong di nakakaintindi kung sino ako.

                Hindi ko sila masisisi kung bakit hindi nila ako maintindihan pero ganto na talaga ako sarado nako sa pakikipag-kaibigan, iba kasi yung pagkakahulugan ko sa salitang kaibigan ee. Para sakin kasi di ibig sabihin na nagtawanan tayo at nagkwentuhan ee Friends na tayo. Hindi naman ako ganun kasuplado para di makipag-usap kapag kinausap ako, pero ako kasi yung klase ng tao na di unang nanamansin, hindi dahil choosy ako kundi ayaw ko kasing nasasabihan na Feeling Close ako. If you won’t say hi to me I don’t care kasi you’re not important to me naman ee. In case na nagkasalubong tayo sa hallway di ako magtatampo or magiging bitter kapag di mo ako binate kasi for me those people I consider them as Nothing. Andyan ka man o wala patuloy pa rin yung takbo ng buhay ko. Patuloy pa rin yung agos nito.

                Salamat sa mga taong kino-consider ako na kaibigan kahit para sakin ee di ko sila kaibigan maraming salamat on the other way Sorry kasi di ko kayang suklian yun. Siguro kung nakilala mo ako nung high school siguro sasabihin mo na Fake tong nararamdaman ko. Kasi nakilala ako nung high school na Friendly in fact I’ve been elected as Student Council President kasi kilala ako sa buong campus not because matalino ako, or dahil gwapo ako, nanalo ako kasi kilala ako ng mga schoolmate ko…well, siguro they think na masipag ako, mabait ako…well di naman sa pagmamayabang pero Oo ganun din naman yung tingin ko sa sarili ko noon. Pero nung pumasok ako sa PUP lahat ng to ee nagbago, lahat ng to naging kabaliktaran, lahat ng to naglaho , nawala sa sistema ko. Di ko na masyadong idedetalye kung ano ba talagang nangyari nung 1^st year ko sa college pero ito yung dahilan kung bakit di ako nagtitiwala basta basta sa mga taong kakakilala ko lang. Well alam ko yung iba iniisip kung bakit marami naman akong kaibigan ngayon dahil yank ay Quennie, Sabh at kay Sheen Mae we are friends since high school. Kaya nung pagbalik ko sa PUP ipinakilala nila ako sa mga kaibigan nila at itunuring na di iba. Lalo na’t kakasimula pa lang ng re-shuffle nun kaya dahil sa kanila di ako nahirapan na makapag-adjust sa pagbabalik ko sa PUP. Pero  ngayon bumabalik ulit yung gantong pagkakataon may mga taong gusto nila na ituring ko silang kaibigan ko. Ituring ko silang di iba. Ituring ko silang pamilya. Pero kasi di pwede…di pwedeng ganun… kontento ako kung sino na mga kaibigan ko. Kontento nako sa mga meron ako…kaya di pwedeng ganun…di nila pwedeng pamilya turing ko sayo kaya sana ganun rin yung ituring mo sakin. Pero di naman nangangahulugan na di ko itinuturing na kaibigan ee masama na pakikitungo ko sa kanila at di yun isang kaplastikan meron lang sigurong boundaries merong limitations yung kaya kung ioffer sa kanila. Kaya ko naman makipag-usap at makipag-tawanan ng walang attachment sa isa’t isa after ng conversion natin your still nothing pero it doesn’t mean na pinaplastik it’s just that I am not open to be your friend. Yun lang yun. I can work with you pero pure work if you will give a joke sasakay ako, tatawa ako pero hanggang dun lang yun.

                Alam ko habang binabasa nyo maraming tumatakbo sa isipan nyo andyan yung napaka.taas naman ng tingin ng taong to sa sarili nya, andyan yung napakataas ng pride ko, may standard ako sa pakikipag-kaibigan. Alam ko sasabihin nyo rin na di ako uunlad sa ganitong pag-uugali. Sinusubukan kong baguhin to pero wala talaga meron talagang nagtutulak sakin na wag masyadong magtiwala sa ibang tao…fresh pa kasi sakin yung mga nangyari noon takot ako na masaktan ulit. Takot ako na magtiwala ulit and at the end of the day lolokohin lang ako. Takot ako mawalan ng kaibigan. Kung pwede nga lang lahat ng taong makakasalamuha ko ee ipapabasa ko muna to ee. Pero di pwede yun alam ko kailangan  natin makisama sa mga taong nakapaligid satin dir in naman pwedeng sila lagi ang mag-aadjust para lang sayo. Alam ko yun di ko naman sinasabi sainyo na pagsilbihan nyo ko, kausapin nyo ko lagi ee wala naman akong pakialam kung kausapin nyo ako o hindi ee as long kasama ko mga kaibigan ko ee Masaya na ko nun, kontento nako nun, kahit nga isang buong araw na magtitigan tayo ee kaya ko ee. Kasi para sakin wala ka lang.

art of letting go

It happened just how I always imagine it would. so why do i feel this way? why do i feel so much sadness inside?

How can someone whose suppose to makes me feel so complete before, ends up leaving me so EMPTY.

How can I love again when I can't stop loving the one that hurt me so much? if I could just turn back the time, if 

I have the power I'll probably make you stay but now, all that I ever held dear is just a memory. Its not love that takes time, Its the letting go that takes time, so much time

SUNSET

As we grow old... We see things in a different perception.. We learn, we struggle and we succeed...

I then realize what is really the difference between the sunset and sunrise?? If we look in a photographic way there is no difference at all... but if we see in the more complex way... We can see that the sun rise in east and set in west... and I guess it is also related to the person we see and mingle with everyday. Photographic way... Or physical way... we can see that anatomically we are alike... but we differs in our perception, the way we think, the way we communicate and the way our emotions grow... and that's the challenge of life... we need to know the difference between two individuals.. Cause even twins... have differences... we need to dig deep to fully explore if the person set's on east or west... judging in the physical aspects is just a pathetic way...

I can appreciate the beauty of SUNSET and SUNRISE as we know the big difference of which... For me, SUNSET is beautiful than SUNRISE... why?? Cause for me... SUNSET is the time wherein we can look back on the things we did for the entire day... we can see all the faults that we did, the laughter and smile that we shared to our loved ones, and the naughty things we did... And after doing so... we can actually change it for the next SUNRISE... SUNRISE is the time wherein we can make things new again... a new hope and time to make things right...

But nothing beats the beauty of SUNSET or SUNRISE if we shared the special moments with our love ones... sitting in the shore of the beach... peacefully watching the sun while holding each others hands... this is just a simply way we can spend time with our loved-ones... no hustle...cheap yet very romantic....

S.A.D. STORY

GUSTO KO UMIYAK...

GUSTO KO MAGWALA...

GUSTO KO MAGLASLAS...

Hindi ko alam kung anong dapat maging reaction ko pero di ko maiwasan na di malungkot. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na tinangal ka sa puwesto hindi dahil sa tapos na yung term mo ee, natanggal ka kasi tinggin sayo ng mga kagrupo mo isa kang burden sa group nio. Oo, aminado ako na may mga pagkakamali ako pero di naman ibig sabihin nun na tarantadong leader nako.

Alam ko masama magbilang ng kung ano na ang nagawa mo para sa grupo. Pero kung titignan nating maiigi Oo magaling ka sa programming pero mas marami na akong nagawa kumpara sayo.

Kung tatanungin nyo ko kung paano ko sila naging kagrupo well isa lang naman ang dahilan dyan ee, si Quennie sya lang naman yung inisip ko kaya ako sumama sa grupong to, nag-iisang grupo na nag-ooffer ng dalawang slot well mas gugustuhin ko naman na magkasama kami ng kaibigan ko kesa naman na makisama sa isang grupo na wala ka ni.isang kaibigan. Kung tatanungin nyo ulit ako kung nagsisi ba ako na sumama ako sa grupong to ang sagot ko HINDI. Hindi kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na kaya sana ng grupo na to magtagumpay kung di lang bawat galaw mo ee isang masamang bagay para sakanila. Ito lang naman yung tanong ko ee nung kayo gumagawa ng mga bagay na di naming kinakatuwa. Naquestion ba namin kayo? Tulad nga ng sinabi ko kay Robert lahat tayo may karapatan maging Masaya habang gumawa ng system. Para sakin di ko maituturing na kasiyahan yung tawanan with your groupmates, iba yung kasiyahan na tinutukoy ko, well, di kasi ako plastik kaya ganto ako di ako marunong makisama/makibagay sa mga taong di ko tlaga kino-consider as my friend. Di ko alam kung kelan nagsimula to pero as far as I know takot ako makipag-kaibigan kasi maraming beses nakong natraydor ng mga kaibigan ko. Kaya ganto na lang siguro yung kapihikan ko sa mga kaibigan kontento nako sa isang kaibigan sa isang section mabubuhay nako nun.

Kanina habang kaharap si Sir Tim medyo okay pako kahit papano ee, nung naiwan ako ni Queh sa bus dun lang nag-sink in ang lahat. Yung time lang na yun naisip lahat ng mga bagay na tumatakbo sa isipan ko ngayon. Alam ko nabastos ko si sir especially nung time na sinabi kong “I WILL NOT SAY SORRY TO HIM BECAUSE HE DESERVED WHAT I”VE DONE” grabe nung sinabi ko yun nakita ko sa reaksyon ni sir na gusto na nya akong saktan sa tigas ng ulo ko. Ganto kasi yung reason ko ee I will not say sorry kung alam ko deep inside my grudges pa din. May bitterness pa din. Di ako plastik at ayaw ko magpakitang tao kay sir na sa harap nia ok kami pero di naman talaga di ba niloko ko lang sarili ko at pati na rin si sir at yung mga kagrupo ko.

Nahihirapan din naman ako sa sitwasyon namin, especially nung nagsalita si Michael na you will notice on his voice that he almost burst into tears. Promise it kills me inside that time gusto ko magwalk-out at umiyak kay ate Maru pero nanindigan ako para sa grupo ko kung ako nahihirapan paano pa sila na everytime na nagkakabanggaan kami ng loko na yun ee nahihirapan sila, lagi na lang kami nagkakabanggaan yung mga kagrupo namin yung nahihirapan imbes na umusad kami wala away lagi.. Alam ko mahirap magpakababa pero tulad nga ng sinasabi ng karamihan walang masama kung ibaba mo minsan yung pride mo. Pero kasi hindi nila alam na sarili ko na lang kakampi ko, hindi nila alam yung tunay na pinagdadaanan ko, kaya hindi ako pumapayag na tinatapakan lang ako. Selfish na kung selfish pero this is the only way kaya ako nakakaharap sa maraming tao. Hindi ako pumapayag na bastusin ng kung sino man, kaya kahit maraming nagagalit sakin kasi napaka.sensitive ko sa mga comments sakin ng ibang tao. Ee yun na lang meron ako, DANGAL at RESPETO SA SARILI KO korni na kung korni pero kasi ito yung totoo wala akong ibang kakampi kundi sarili ko lang.

Kaya ngayon humihingi ako ng SORRY sa mga kagrupo ko na nadadamay sa gulo namin pero hinding hindi ako magsosorry sa kanya. IT’S A BIG NO. Isipin nyo na kung ano gusto nyong isipin pero ito ako at wala na kayong magagawa pa.

At ngayon sana maging kontento ka na dahil nakuha mo na yung gusto mo pero mark this words "EXPECT THE WORST FROM ME"  ibang ANGELO yung makikita nyo.

WHO CARES

I don’t believe on people who say that I have a bad attitude. I mean, I won’t have a bad attitude if you’re good to me? I won’t bitch you out if you don’t do me wrong? To those people who are scared on approaching me because of what they heard about me, dude I don’t bite. I don’t say “Fuck you” when you say “Hi”. If you’re good to me, then expect a good come back. If you’re not, then I’m not. I don’t really care. And another reason is that there are people close to me that tell me “Hey don’t change okay? You’re a cool ass friend you know that!”. You haters don’t just see the good in me that’s why you hate me. And it’s okay.


Hate me? Good. At least you won’t be a backstabbing bitch who calls me a friend.

Start of a New Beginning

Minsan ang buhay talagang nakakalito, siguro hindi lang minsan kundi most of the time, mahirap ipaliwanag ang di mo maintindihang nararamdaman sa kaibuturan ng iyong puso, subalit kung iniisip mo na tama ito pero at the back of your mind, naguguluhan ka lang..

tulad ng isang pag-ibig.. siguro lahat naman nakakaranas kung pano main-love, diba?

Isang araw dumating sa buhay mo ang taong iyon, sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon o kaya sa di inaasahang lugar, tapos nagkatinginan kayo, at biglang nagkaroon ng spark, masasabi mo ba na sya na?

then, almost everyday magkasama kayo dahil feeling mo namimiss mo yong tao, feeling mo gusto mo na sya, pero at the end malalaman mo na naguguluhan ka lang pala, hindi ka sure sa mga ngyayari, naghahanap ka lang pala ng atensyon.

***********************************

sadya nga bang kay lupit ng tadhana, buhay natin ay pinag-lalaruan, pati puso natin kaya nyang saktan. Kung may pagkakataon man maituwid ang pagkakamali iyon ay huli na.

Sinaktan na natin ang taong kahit papano'y minahal din natin ng totoo, gayun nga lang sa mga oras na yon isip natin ay nalilito.

Minsan iniisip ko na lang ng matulog sa buong araw, manood ng tv yong tipong wala kang iisipin kundi kumain matulog at tumawa, pero malabo atang mangyari yon.

Ang hirap mag decide, hindi mo alam kung mapapahamak ka sa decision mo o ikakabuti sya, katulad ngayon iiwasan ko na sya, as in totally stop communicating na. kahit mahirap gagawin ko na kalimutan sya kahit nasa iisang college lang kami, kahit na nagkakasalubong kami sa corridor, sa IT area, C.R., sa Canteen at sa kung saan-saan pang parte ng university namin.

Naiiyak ako dahil mamimiss ko yong mga tawa namin, yong tipong nag-uusap kami tungkol sa kung anu anong bagay na minsan non-sense na, minsan naman tungkol sa  hirap ng buhay, problema, alam mo yong may matatakbuhan ka pagdating sa mga bagay na iyon.

Naiiyak ako dahil hindi ko alam pano mag-umpisa ng panibagong buhay na wala sya, Oo di lang naman sya yung taong nagpapasaya sakin andyan pa naman yung mga kaibigan ko pero iba pa rin kasi yung tuwa kapag sya yung kasama ko. yung tipong non-stop walang kapaguran, naalala ko nga nilakad namin from Sta.Mesa upto SM North grabe yung saya ko nung araw na yun maraming magagandang pangyayari sa araw na yun kung pwede nga lang na maglakad kami ng maglakad kahit saan kami mapadpad ee ayos lang basta magkasama lang kami. Nung pagkauwi ko sa unit ng kuya ko doon ko lang naramdaman yung sakit ng paa ko pero tulad ng dati napakarami nyang tips para mawala yung' sakit [di ko maalala what exactly he said pero effective yun ee]

Naiiyak ako dahil pano pag magkaproblema ako sino yong tatakbuhan ko, yong tipong isang text lang anjan na sya. Sabi nga ng iba kung kaibigan ee swerte ako dahil andyan sya sa tabi ko. Naalala ko one time ng may sakit ako ee dinalhan nya pa ako ng jacket sa room para di daw ako lamigin and after nun binilihan nya pa ako ng gamot ee unfortunately wala syang nahanap ng bilihan ng gamot sa loob ng school ee dahil sa may sakit din sya that time ee di na sya nakalabas ng school so ang ginawa nya ee sinamahan na lang nya ko sa clinic and from there I've realized kung gaano nya ko kamahal.

Pero lahat ng to' ee binalewala ko sinayang ko lahat ng pagkakataon na may isang taong handang mag-take ng risk mapatunayan lang na mahal nya ko. Until now di ko tlaga maintindihan kung paano nya ko nagustuhan.? I mean lagi nya kasi akong sinasabihan na maraming panget na ugali kong dapat baguhin. Naghihinayang ako sa panahon na sinayang ko, kasi nung magkasama pa kami puros deny lang yung ginagawa ko and mas worst pa ee lagi ko pa syang sinasaktan "physically" and "mentally". Ngayon dumating na yung time na nagsawa na sya sakin at tuluyan na nya ko iniwan. Oo nakikita ko syang nahihirapan everytime na nilalandi ko sya, nakikita ko na mahal pa din nya ko pero kailangan nya ko bigyan ng lesson. And napagtanto ko din na tama sila may halaga din naman sya at yun dapat yung una kong ginawa sakanya pinahalagahan ko sana sya. edi sana until now masaya pa din kaming dalawa. Hindi ko rin kasi alam pero mahal ko sya Oo aminado ako dun pero everytime na magkasama kami di mawala sa isip ko na mali yung ginagawa namin.

Sana sa decision ko na tuluyan ng wakasan yung Relationship namin ee this time sana maging masaya na kami pareho. And sana dumating din yung time na kapag nakapag-move-on na kami pareho ee. Babalik ulit kami sa dati yung FRIENDS lang as in PURE FRIENDS pwede pa naman siguro yun. Sana next semester ee ganun na kami.

Pero alam ko isa itong kagustuhan ng Diyos, alam nya ang buhay ko, di naman nya siguro akong hayaang magdecision kung di ko kaya.

Hanggang sa muli..

I do and will miss you 

Best Friend not a Lover

When you have a  best friend, people will always accuse you to be in love with your best friend. Sometimes, people will say that you look good together, why don’t you try it out? People will always tease you to each other making it awkward to eat together at lunch. 
Sometimes what people think affect you both. One of you will always feel uncomfortable hanging out because of these people. So advice you guys not to listen to what they think. Cause the important thing here is the friendship you’re sharing. You’re happy with each other and if you’re already feeling that you need to go on the next level, think twice. 
You've built a strong friendship already, don’t sacrifice it for something you’re not sure of.

I WISH I HAD A PLACE WHERE I CAN CRASH TO WHENEVER I’M SAD.

I just want a fantasy place where I can crash in whenever I’m down. A place where only the people I want can come in and a place where I can call a “home”. Only the sound of nature to be heard and a cold breeze of the sea to be felt. Somehow I can relax and think about the good memories that have happened. Reflect on things I think I’ve done wrong. Accept them one by one and move on. I just wanna lay down on the sand not caring about the real world. Just the thought of having your world. A world where everything you want happens.

MOVING ON

“No man is an island.”

          This is why we try to approach someone – to get to know that person more and if fortunate enough we even get to be close friends with them. But what if the term “friend” does not anymore fit to the person whom once used to be your friend? What if best friends turned out to be the worst? And what if the healthy relationship you thought was not really good at all?

Moving on is not only restricted for failed romantic relationships. Sometimes moving on also applies to tainted friendships. Some things in this world are meant to be kept broken. Some things do not need to be changed. Some things just don’t have any remedy.

Sometimes, the only option we have is to move on with our lives. Of course, we can still visit places that are significant for both of us. We can reminisce the happy memories but don’t forget that it’s now only a part of the past. Back then, when we sat there laughing with them, but now we can only see an empty seat waiting for people to use them.

When I see those pictures, I remember how happy we were that time. The time when I thought everything was going to last. Now I’ve really proven that feelings do change. Even if I’ve sworn to myself and to that person that nothing would change, now I stand that things happen for a reason. I might not know now but time will come, the answers we’re looking for will slowly walk down on us.

Days will come that we will ask ourselves, “What happened to us? We used to be friends.”

TAMA NA !

"Pakawalan mo ang mga bagay na nakapagpapasaya ngunit nakapagpapasakit sa iyo. Huwag mong hintaying dumating ang panahon na puro sakit na lang ang maiwan."

Hanggang ngayon, kinukumbinsi ko pa rin ang sarili ko na tama ang naging desisyon ko...

Tama kahit na masakit...

Masakit pero kailangan...

Kailangan dahil kung hindi ko ginawa...

Doble, triple o mas matindi pang sakit ang mararanasan ko...

Dahil hindi mo naman nakita...

Hindi mo naman naramdaman...

Kung gaano ako nagpahalaga...

Kung paano kita minahal.

Gusto kong magsulat, pero di ko magawa.

Marami akong naiisip isulat, pero hindi ako makabuo ng isang matinong blog post. Ang problema, mukhang nagkapira-piraso na ang laman ng isip ko. Parang puzzle na walang katapusan kong bubuuin. Tila sa sobrang dami ng butil ng ideyang nagkahalu-halo na sa bao ng ulo ko, hindi na makasabay ang mga daliri ko sa pagtipa ng mga letrang bubuo ng mga salitang gusto kong ipahayag. 

Gusto ko pang magsulat. Gusto ko pang magkwento. Gusto kong magsalita.


Pero bakit di ko magawa? Sana'y malusaw na ang kung anumang bagay na nakabara sa aking lalamunan at isipan..


itutuloy...

Life is simple

Isipin mo na lang, isang basong tubig.

Kung hahawakan mo siya ng sandali, tapos bitiwan mo rin agad, magaan lang siya. Pero kung palagi mo siyang hawak, kahit saan at kahit kailan, magiging pabigat din.

Pabigat. Unnecessary baggage. Meron din ako niyan.


Siguro naman nobody wants to carry around unnecessary baggage di ba? Ewan ko ba, parang ginawa ko na yata lahat ng alam kong pwedeng gawin mabitiwan lang ang baso, pero wala pa rin. 

Nothing seems to work.

Bitawan mo na Angelo.

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Simple lang daw ang buhay. Kung ayaw, e di wag. Kung hindi talaga pwede, e di wag. Kung hindi talaga posible, e di wag. Tao lang daw nagpapakumplikado ng buhay. At isa ako dun sa mga taong mahilig maghanap ng kumplikasyon. 

Kapag naisip mo kasi yung kabuuan ng isang sitwasyon, mahirap sabihin na simple lang ang lahat. Maraming factors, angles, o sides na dapat i-consider. Yung pagsabi ng “E di wag”, kalahati lang yun ng buong kuwento.

Sige na nga, life is simple. Pero pag may dumating na kumplikasyon, yayakapin ko na lang ng buong giliw. Tanggap lang ng tanggap.

It is Good to be Reunited

My childhood friends are someone I have known since my childhood (that’s why it’s used to call a childhood). Our friendship goes back to the time when were very young. They’re name are Chok, Niko, Ericka, Diane, Bulay, Toyang, Ginalyn, Ace, Dessa, Dharlo, Joyce and JenJen and they lived a couple of blocks from my house. We had a lot in common, and we spent time together after school days and during the weekends.

I remembered many of my favorite hobbies were because of they’re influence. I learned to play the street games so called “patintero”, “agawan base”, “syato” and lot more from them. That was back in the year 2000? (I can’t remember exactly the year). Now you know how old I am. That is right, the years have gone by and even today as I sit here typing on my computer, and I still have the good memories with them. It was a memory that changed my life and I thank them because they were the one who taught me how to play the street games that many kids nowadays don’t know how to play those outdoor games and of course they also taught me on how to socialize in various people.

Weekends, we would go over to each other's house and play lots of games and talk with our studies and teasing each other with one another to be exact.  As I think about those days now, I never fail to relish its splendor. The days of innocence, never again to be revisited. However, at times when I look at my brother who is ten years old now, I could almost see him enacting some of the things I did in the past.

My childhood friends has no longer in contact with me. We have lost contact since we went on to separate schools. Do I miss the now? Yes, I do. I had wanted to get in touch with them, and possibly all of them but they are no where to be found. I mean, it is hard to set a date because of our schedules. I heard some of us are creating now their own family, while some of us are still in the stage of dreaming on creating it and while some of us are in the battle of education arena. It will be nice to know how everyone is doing.

And last night came when Diane enters her new phase of her life her debut. We are all invited. I meet again my childhood friends though we are not complete. We started to talk our different lives on how it is and when I’ve heard them talking some vices. And I didn’t expect that all of us are now drinking alcoholic beverages. It only shows that the shades of innocents faded away.We have a better understanding in life.While I’m with them many thoughts running through my mind--thoughts that’s saying that it is great to have them back--thoughts that it could be the start of re-establishing our lost friendships.

"Just like an old wine the older it is the better".

2011:A Roller Coaster Ride

Okay let’s start off by saying “Thank you 2011”. You had given me a lot of experiences this year it’s been a roller coaster ride there are so many ups and downs. You helped me reach out to meet a lot of new friends, brought me to places and time that led me to the one person whom I sincerely love who really makes me happy everyday. Thank you because of all the problems I have encountered this year, I got through it all and I have learned so many new things. Along the way, I have filtered my real friends:




Quennie Pamohino

Eshlee Bien Romero

 Charizza Magsino and Jackie Yuson

Christine Joy Biteng and Denis Lasat

Kristine Arellano

Karla Sheen Syjongtian

May De Jesus and Ana Bianca Carcillar 

 Alexis Nacario and Mary Concepcion Magararu 

Isabel Therese Pilapil

Daniel Co

These are the people truly love me for who I am and had proven to me that they always got my back. Thank you 2011, you changed my life, our lives. One thing that happened this year that truly surprised me was… well no need to say it but I really am glad that it happened. Everything went so easy after that. I don’t know if it was destined to happen. The only thing that I could say was “we got lucky”. Also, this was the sweetest year for me. I will always remember those dates that made me happy this year: March 26, 2011/ August 2, 2011/ August 17, 2011. I could never ask for more. I thank God that my family is still healthy and all well. 2011 gave me all the love.

I’m looking forward for 2012! Looking forward for my system study defense, it’s time to leave the playground. Let’s face it, face the real world. Maybe from there, I get to build independence within. Having the thought of a new home with my groupmates, having to live in a new environment excites me. I’m really excited to live with them and passing the System Analysis Design and System/Software Development Defense. That’s all I look forward to. It’s really amazing how each of us can change in 365 days.

YEAH!Happy New Year everyone!