art of letting go

It happened just how I always imagine it would. so why do i feel this way? why do i feel so much sadness inside?

How can someone whose suppose to makes me feel so complete before, ends up leaving me so EMPTY.

How can I love again when I can't stop loving the one that hurt me so much? if I could just turn back the time, if 

I have the power I'll probably make you stay but now, all that I ever held dear is just a memory. Its not love that takes time, Its the letting go that takes time, so much time

SUNSET

As we grow old... We see things in a different perception.. We learn, we struggle and we succeed...

I then realize what is really the difference between the sunset and sunrise?? If we look in a photographic way there is no difference at all... but if we see in the more complex way... We can see that the sun rise in east and set in west... and I guess it is also related to the person we see and mingle with everyday. Photographic way... Or physical way... we can see that anatomically we are alike... but we differs in our perception, the way we think, the way we communicate and the way our emotions grow... and that's the challenge of life... we need to know the difference between two individuals.. Cause even twins... have differences... we need to dig deep to fully explore if the person set's on east or west... judging in the physical aspects is just a pathetic way...

I can appreciate the beauty of SUNSET and SUNRISE as we know the big difference of which... For me, SUNSET is beautiful than SUNRISE... why?? Cause for me... SUNSET is the time wherein we can look back on the things we did for the entire day... we can see all the faults that we did, the laughter and smile that we shared to our loved ones, and the naughty things we did... And after doing so... we can actually change it for the next SUNRISE... SUNRISE is the time wherein we can make things new again... a new hope and time to make things right...

But nothing beats the beauty of SUNSET or SUNRISE if we shared the special moments with our love ones... sitting in the shore of the beach... peacefully watching the sun while holding each others hands... this is just a simply way we can spend time with our loved-ones... no hustle...cheap yet very romantic....

S.A.D. STORY

GUSTO KO UMIYAK...

GUSTO KO MAGWALA...

GUSTO KO MAGLASLAS...

Hindi ko alam kung anong dapat maging reaction ko pero di ko maiwasan na di malungkot. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na tinangal ka sa puwesto hindi dahil sa tapos na yung term mo ee, natanggal ka kasi tinggin sayo ng mga kagrupo mo isa kang burden sa group nio. Oo, aminado ako na may mga pagkakamali ako pero di naman ibig sabihin nun na tarantadong leader nako.

Alam ko masama magbilang ng kung ano na ang nagawa mo para sa grupo. Pero kung titignan nating maiigi Oo magaling ka sa programming pero mas marami na akong nagawa kumpara sayo.

Kung tatanungin nyo ko kung paano ko sila naging kagrupo well isa lang naman ang dahilan dyan ee, si Quennie sya lang naman yung inisip ko kaya ako sumama sa grupong to, nag-iisang grupo na nag-ooffer ng dalawang slot well mas gugustuhin ko naman na magkasama kami ng kaibigan ko kesa naman na makisama sa isang grupo na wala ka ni.isang kaibigan. Kung tatanungin nyo ulit ako kung nagsisi ba ako na sumama ako sa grupong to ang sagot ko HINDI. Hindi kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na kaya sana ng grupo na to magtagumpay kung di lang bawat galaw mo ee isang masamang bagay para sakanila. Ito lang naman yung tanong ko ee nung kayo gumagawa ng mga bagay na di naming kinakatuwa. Naquestion ba namin kayo? Tulad nga ng sinabi ko kay Robert lahat tayo may karapatan maging Masaya habang gumawa ng system. Para sakin di ko maituturing na kasiyahan yung tawanan with your groupmates, iba yung kasiyahan na tinutukoy ko, well, di kasi ako plastik kaya ganto ako di ako marunong makisama/makibagay sa mga taong di ko tlaga kino-consider as my friend. Di ko alam kung kelan nagsimula to pero as far as I know takot ako makipag-kaibigan kasi maraming beses nakong natraydor ng mga kaibigan ko. Kaya ganto na lang siguro yung kapihikan ko sa mga kaibigan kontento nako sa isang kaibigan sa isang section mabubuhay nako nun.

Kanina habang kaharap si Sir Tim medyo okay pako kahit papano ee, nung naiwan ako ni Queh sa bus dun lang nag-sink in ang lahat. Yung time lang na yun naisip lahat ng mga bagay na tumatakbo sa isipan ko ngayon. Alam ko nabastos ko si sir especially nung time na sinabi kong “I WILL NOT SAY SORRY TO HIM BECAUSE HE DESERVED WHAT I”VE DONE” grabe nung sinabi ko yun nakita ko sa reaksyon ni sir na gusto na nya akong saktan sa tigas ng ulo ko. Ganto kasi yung reason ko ee I will not say sorry kung alam ko deep inside my grudges pa din. May bitterness pa din. Di ako plastik at ayaw ko magpakitang tao kay sir na sa harap nia ok kami pero di naman talaga di ba niloko ko lang sarili ko at pati na rin si sir at yung mga kagrupo ko.

Nahihirapan din naman ako sa sitwasyon namin, especially nung nagsalita si Michael na you will notice on his voice that he almost burst into tears. Promise it kills me inside that time gusto ko magwalk-out at umiyak kay ate Maru pero nanindigan ako para sa grupo ko kung ako nahihirapan paano pa sila na everytime na nagkakabanggaan kami ng loko na yun ee nahihirapan sila, lagi na lang kami nagkakabanggaan yung mga kagrupo namin yung nahihirapan imbes na umusad kami wala away lagi.. Alam ko mahirap magpakababa pero tulad nga ng sinasabi ng karamihan walang masama kung ibaba mo minsan yung pride mo. Pero kasi hindi nila alam na sarili ko na lang kakampi ko, hindi nila alam yung tunay na pinagdadaanan ko, kaya hindi ako pumapayag na tinatapakan lang ako. Selfish na kung selfish pero this is the only way kaya ako nakakaharap sa maraming tao. Hindi ako pumapayag na bastusin ng kung sino man, kaya kahit maraming nagagalit sakin kasi napaka.sensitive ko sa mga comments sakin ng ibang tao. Ee yun na lang meron ako, DANGAL at RESPETO SA SARILI KO korni na kung korni pero kasi ito yung totoo wala akong ibang kakampi kundi sarili ko lang.

Kaya ngayon humihingi ako ng SORRY sa mga kagrupo ko na nadadamay sa gulo namin pero hinding hindi ako magsosorry sa kanya. IT’S A BIG NO. Isipin nyo na kung ano gusto nyong isipin pero ito ako at wala na kayong magagawa pa.

At ngayon sana maging kontento ka na dahil nakuha mo na yung gusto mo pero mark this words "EXPECT THE WORST FROM ME"  ibang ANGELO yung makikita nyo.

WHO CARES

I don’t believe on people who say that I have a bad attitude. I mean, I won’t have a bad attitude if you’re good to me? I won’t bitch you out if you don’t do me wrong? To those people who are scared on approaching me because of what they heard about me, dude I don’t bite. I don’t say “Fuck you” when you say “Hi”. If you’re good to me, then expect a good come back. If you’re not, then I’m not. I don’t really care. And another reason is that there are people close to me that tell me “Hey don’t change okay? You’re a cool ass friend you know that!”. You haters don’t just see the good in me that’s why you hate me. And it’s okay.


Hate me? Good. At least you won’t be a backstabbing bitch who calls me a friend.

Start of a New Beginning

Minsan ang buhay talagang nakakalito, siguro hindi lang minsan kundi most of the time, mahirap ipaliwanag ang di mo maintindihang nararamdaman sa kaibuturan ng iyong puso, subalit kung iniisip mo na tama ito pero at the back of your mind, naguguluhan ka lang..

tulad ng isang pag-ibig.. siguro lahat naman nakakaranas kung pano main-love, diba?

Isang araw dumating sa buhay mo ang taong iyon, sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon o kaya sa di inaasahang lugar, tapos nagkatinginan kayo, at biglang nagkaroon ng spark, masasabi mo ba na sya na?

then, almost everyday magkasama kayo dahil feeling mo namimiss mo yong tao, feeling mo gusto mo na sya, pero at the end malalaman mo na naguguluhan ka lang pala, hindi ka sure sa mga ngyayari, naghahanap ka lang pala ng atensyon.

***********************************

sadya nga bang kay lupit ng tadhana, buhay natin ay pinag-lalaruan, pati puso natin kaya nyang saktan. Kung may pagkakataon man maituwid ang pagkakamali iyon ay huli na.

Sinaktan na natin ang taong kahit papano'y minahal din natin ng totoo, gayun nga lang sa mga oras na yon isip natin ay nalilito.

Minsan iniisip ko na lang ng matulog sa buong araw, manood ng tv yong tipong wala kang iisipin kundi kumain matulog at tumawa, pero malabo atang mangyari yon.

Ang hirap mag decide, hindi mo alam kung mapapahamak ka sa decision mo o ikakabuti sya, katulad ngayon iiwasan ko na sya, as in totally stop communicating na. kahit mahirap gagawin ko na kalimutan sya kahit nasa iisang college lang kami, kahit na nagkakasalubong kami sa corridor, sa IT area, C.R., sa Canteen at sa kung saan-saan pang parte ng university namin.

Naiiyak ako dahil mamimiss ko yong mga tawa namin, yong tipong nag-uusap kami tungkol sa kung anu anong bagay na minsan non-sense na, minsan naman tungkol sa  hirap ng buhay, problema, alam mo yong may matatakbuhan ka pagdating sa mga bagay na iyon.

Naiiyak ako dahil hindi ko alam pano mag-umpisa ng panibagong buhay na wala sya, Oo di lang naman sya yung taong nagpapasaya sakin andyan pa naman yung mga kaibigan ko pero iba pa rin kasi yung tuwa kapag sya yung kasama ko. yung tipong non-stop walang kapaguran, naalala ko nga nilakad namin from Sta.Mesa upto SM North grabe yung saya ko nung araw na yun maraming magagandang pangyayari sa araw na yun kung pwede nga lang na maglakad kami ng maglakad kahit saan kami mapadpad ee ayos lang basta magkasama lang kami. Nung pagkauwi ko sa unit ng kuya ko doon ko lang naramdaman yung sakit ng paa ko pero tulad ng dati napakarami nyang tips para mawala yung' sakit [di ko maalala what exactly he said pero effective yun ee]

Naiiyak ako dahil pano pag magkaproblema ako sino yong tatakbuhan ko, yong tipong isang text lang anjan na sya. Sabi nga ng iba kung kaibigan ee swerte ako dahil andyan sya sa tabi ko. Naalala ko one time ng may sakit ako ee dinalhan nya pa ako ng jacket sa room para di daw ako lamigin and after nun binilihan nya pa ako ng gamot ee unfortunately wala syang nahanap ng bilihan ng gamot sa loob ng school ee dahil sa may sakit din sya that time ee di na sya nakalabas ng school so ang ginawa nya ee sinamahan na lang nya ko sa clinic and from there I've realized kung gaano nya ko kamahal.

Pero lahat ng to' ee binalewala ko sinayang ko lahat ng pagkakataon na may isang taong handang mag-take ng risk mapatunayan lang na mahal nya ko. Until now di ko tlaga maintindihan kung paano nya ko nagustuhan.? I mean lagi nya kasi akong sinasabihan na maraming panget na ugali kong dapat baguhin. Naghihinayang ako sa panahon na sinayang ko, kasi nung magkasama pa kami puros deny lang yung ginagawa ko and mas worst pa ee lagi ko pa syang sinasaktan "physically" and "mentally". Ngayon dumating na yung time na nagsawa na sya sakin at tuluyan na nya ko iniwan. Oo nakikita ko syang nahihirapan everytime na nilalandi ko sya, nakikita ko na mahal pa din nya ko pero kailangan nya ko bigyan ng lesson. And napagtanto ko din na tama sila may halaga din naman sya at yun dapat yung una kong ginawa sakanya pinahalagahan ko sana sya. edi sana until now masaya pa din kaming dalawa. Hindi ko rin kasi alam pero mahal ko sya Oo aminado ako dun pero everytime na magkasama kami di mawala sa isip ko na mali yung ginagawa namin.

Sana sa decision ko na tuluyan ng wakasan yung Relationship namin ee this time sana maging masaya na kami pareho. And sana dumating din yung time na kapag nakapag-move-on na kami pareho ee. Babalik ulit kami sa dati yung FRIENDS lang as in PURE FRIENDS pwede pa naman siguro yun. Sana next semester ee ganun na kami.

Pero alam ko isa itong kagustuhan ng Diyos, alam nya ang buhay ko, di naman nya siguro akong hayaang magdecision kung di ko kaya.

Hanggang sa muli..

I do and will miss you 

Best Friend not a Lover

When you have a  best friend, people will always accuse you to be in love with your best friend. Sometimes, people will say that you look good together, why don’t you try it out? People will always tease you to each other making it awkward to eat together at lunch. 
Sometimes what people think affect you both. One of you will always feel uncomfortable hanging out because of these people. So advice you guys not to listen to what they think. Cause the important thing here is the friendship you’re sharing. You’re happy with each other and if you’re already feeling that you need to go on the next level, think twice. 
You've built a strong friendship already, don’t sacrifice it for something you’re not sure of.

I WISH I HAD A PLACE WHERE I CAN CRASH TO WHENEVER I’M SAD.

I just want a fantasy place where I can crash in whenever I’m down. A place where only the people I want can come in and a place where I can call a “home”. Only the sound of nature to be heard and a cold breeze of the sea to be felt. Somehow I can relax and think about the good memories that have happened. Reflect on things I think I’ve done wrong. Accept them one by one and move on. I just wanna lay down on the sand not caring about the real world. Just the thought of having your world. A world where everything you want happens.

MOVING ON

“No man is an island.”

          This is why we try to approach someone – to get to know that person more and if fortunate enough we even get to be close friends with them. But what if the term “friend” does not anymore fit to the person whom once used to be your friend? What if best friends turned out to be the worst? And what if the healthy relationship you thought was not really good at all?

Moving on is not only restricted for failed romantic relationships. Sometimes moving on also applies to tainted friendships. Some things in this world are meant to be kept broken. Some things do not need to be changed. Some things just don’t have any remedy.

Sometimes, the only option we have is to move on with our lives. Of course, we can still visit places that are significant for both of us. We can reminisce the happy memories but don’t forget that it’s now only a part of the past. Back then, when we sat there laughing with them, but now we can only see an empty seat waiting for people to use them.

When I see those pictures, I remember how happy we were that time. The time when I thought everything was going to last. Now I’ve really proven that feelings do change. Even if I’ve sworn to myself and to that person that nothing would change, now I stand that things happen for a reason. I might not know now but time will come, the answers we’re looking for will slowly walk down on us.

Days will come that we will ask ourselves, “What happened to us? We used to be friends.”

TAMA NA !

"Pakawalan mo ang mga bagay na nakapagpapasaya ngunit nakapagpapasakit sa iyo. Huwag mong hintaying dumating ang panahon na puro sakit na lang ang maiwan."

Hanggang ngayon, kinukumbinsi ko pa rin ang sarili ko na tama ang naging desisyon ko...

Tama kahit na masakit...

Masakit pero kailangan...

Kailangan dahil kung hindi ko ginawa...

Doble, triple o mas matindi pang sakit ang mararanasan ko...

Dahil hindi mo naman nakita...

Hindi mo naman naramdaman...

Kung gaano ako nagpahalaga...

Kung paano kita minahal.

Gusto kong magsulat, pero di ko magawa.

Marami akong naiisip isulat, pero hindi ako makabuo ng isang matinong blog post. Ang problema, mukhang nagkapira-piraso na ang laman ng isip ko. Parang puzzle na walang katapusan kong bubuuin. Tila sa sobrang dami ng butil ng ideyang nagkahalu-halo na sa bao ng ulo ko, hindi na makasabay ang mga daliri ko sa pagtipa ng mga letrang bubuo ng mga salitang gusto kong ipahayag. 

Gusto ko pang magsulat. Gusto ko pang magkwento. Gusto kong magsalita.


Pero bakit di ko magawa? Sana'y malusaw na ang kung anumang bagay na nakabara sa aking lalamunan at isipan..


itutuloy...

Life is simple

Isipin mo na lang, isang basong tubig.

Kung hahawakan mo siya ng sandali, tapos bitiwan mo rin agad, magaan lang siya. Pero kung palagi mo siyang hawak, kahit saan at kahit kailan, magiging pabigat din.

Pabigat. Unnecessary baggage. Meron din ako niyan.


Siguro naman nobody wants to carry around unnecessary baggage di ba? Ewan ko ba, parang ginawa ko na yata lahat ng alam kong pwedeng gawin mabitiwan lang ang baso, pero wala pa rin. 

Nothing seems to work.

Bitawan mo na Angelo.

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Simple lang daw ang buhay. Kung ayaw, e di wag. Kung hindi talaga pwede, e di wag. Kung hindi talaga posible, e di wag. Tao lang daw nagpapakumplikado ng buhay. At isa ako dun sa mga taong mahilig maghanap ng kumplikasyon. 

Kapag naisip mo kasi yung kabuuan ng isang sitwasyon, mahirap sabihin na simple lang ang lahat. Maraming factors, angles, o sides na dapat i-consider. Yung pagsabi ng “E di wag”, kalahati lang yun ng buong kuwento.

Sige na nga, life is simple. Pero pag may dumating na kumplikasyon, yayakapin ko na lang ng buong giliw. Tanggap lang ng tanggap.

It is Good to be Reunited

My childhood friends are someone I have known since my childhood (that’s why it’s used to call a childhood). Our friendship goes back to the time when were very young. They’re name are Chok, Niko, Ericka, Diane, Bulay, Toyang, Ginalyn, Ace, Dessa, Dharlo, Joyce and JenJen and they lived a couple of blocks from my house. We had a lot in common, and we spent time together after school days and during the weekends.

I remembered many of my favorite hobbies were because of they’re influence. I learned to play the street games so called “patintero”, “agawan base”, “syato” and lot more from them. That was back in the year 2000? (I can’t remember exactly the year). Now you know how old I am. That is right, the years have gone by and even today as I sit here typing on my computer, and I still have the good memories with them. It was a memory that changed my life and I thank them because they were the one who taught me how to play the street games that many kids nowadays don’t know how to play those outdoor games and of course they also taught me on how to socialize in various people.

Weekends, we would go over to each other's house and play lots of games and talk with our studies and teasing each other with one another to be exact.  As I think about those days now, I never fail to relish its splendor. The days of innocence, never again to be revisited. However, at times when I look at my brother who is ten years old now, I could almost see him enacting some of the things I did in the past.

My childhood friends has no longer in contact with me. We have lost contact since we went on to separate schools. Do I miss the now? Yes, I do. I had wanted to get in touch with them, and possibly all of them but they are no where to be found. I mean, it is hard to set a date because of our schedules. I heard some of us are creating now their own family, while some of us are still in the stage of dreaming on creating it and while some of us are in the battle of education arena. It will be nice to know how everyone is doing.

And last night came when Diane enters her new phase of her life her debut. We are all invited. I meet again my childhood friends though we are not complete. We started to talk our different lives on how it is and when I’ve heard them talking some vices. And I didn’t expect that all of us are now drinking alcoholic beverages. It only shows that the shades of innocents faded away.We have a better understanding in life.While I’m with them many thoughts running through my mind--thoughts that’s saying that it is great to have them back--thoughts that it could be the start of re-establishing our lost friendships.

"Just like an old wine the older it is the better".

2011:A Roller Coaster Ride

Okay let’s start off by saying “Thank you 2011”. You had given me a lot of experiences this year it’s been a roller coaster ride there are so many ups and downs. You helped me reach out to meet a lot of new friends, brought me to places and time that led me to the one person whom I sincerely love who really makes me happy everyday. Thank you because of all the problems I have encountered this year, I got through it all and I have learned so many new things. Along the way, I have filtered my real friends:




Quennie Pamohino

Eshlee Bien Romero

 Charizza Magsino and Jackie Yuson

Christine Joy Biteng and Denis Lasat

Kristine Arellano

Karla Sheen Syjongtian

May De Jesus and Ana Bianca Carcillar 

 Alexis Nacario and Mary Concepcion Magararu 

Isabel Therese Pilapil

Daniel Co

These are the people truly love me for who I am and had proven to me that they always got my back. Thank you 2011, you changed my life, our lives. One thing that happened this year that truly surprised me was… well no need to say it but I really am glad that it happened. Everything went so easy after that. I don’t know if it was destined to happen. The only thing that I could say was “we got lucky”. Also, this was the sweetest year for me. I will always remember those dates that made me happy this year: March 26, 2011/ August 2, 2011/ August 17, 2011. I could never ask for more. I thank God that my family is still healthy and all well. 2011 gave me all the love.

I’m looking forward for 2012! Looking forward for my system study defense, it’s time to leave the playground. Let’s face it, face the real world. Maybe from there, I get to build independence within. Having the thought of a new home with my groupmates, having to live in a new environment excites me. I’m really excited to live with them and passing the System Analysis Design and System/Software Development Defense. That’s all I look forward to. It’s really amazing how each of us can change in 365 days.

YEAH!Happy New Year everyone!