Happy Thoughts

I woke up this morning not wanting to get up. Opened our PC and played some music to suit my mood. The music’s theme is about a good life. I asked myself, what’s a good life for me ?A picture of you popped in my mind, I imagined a life with you. I thought of waking up in the morning seeing your face soundly sleeping. I thought of taking pictures of you and making it the wallpaper of cp and my desk. I thought of making breakfast for you and waiting for you to come home from work. We lived in my big dream house. I also thought of a chubby child walking around our house. It’s our son. You and me playing at his nursery. A very happy family. This is what I dream of every morning. It’s a life with you. I hope this comes true. In any way I’ll make this happen. I don’t usually write this early but because of the things going on through my mind right now, I really need an escape. Anyway, have a good day !

Tainted Friendship

Have you ever experienced waking up one day and you don’t care about that one person who used to be everything to you, or maybe played a big part in your life? Have you? ‘Cause I have.
I really don’t know what happened. It’s just that there was this one person in school, he was my best friend. Yeah, I call him as “Tatay” and he call me as "Anak". We talk a lot everyday beside the staircase before class starts and at the student lounge after class, talking about senseless things about both of our lives. Exchanging opinions about something and sharing problems. And then this day came, I woke up, went to school, I saw him, said “HI” and I felt awkwardness. It went on and on between us, I always asking him directly, but I know that he know that I noticed that something changed. Until one day I came to him and said “Do we have a problem?” he said “No, I mean I don’t know”.
Honestly, I've realized that I should stop asking him if we can fix our tainted friendship. I really don’t know. It’s just that I’m not comfortable talking to him anymore. I don’t mean to be rude, or I didn't mean to leave him behind, but it’s true. Feelings change through time.

I think I realized that I don’t need you or I can be happy without you, I don’t need to cling to you no more. I don’t know. It just feels right that we’re not talking anymore. What the fuck, I don’t even understand myself right now. Up until now, it’s still awkward running across you in the hallways. I swear.

Friendship left us? I guess…

While listening in the homily last morning I almost burst into tears.

While listening in the homily last morning I almost burst into tears. Many things came into a realization, many things I didn’t think that will hurt me most.
Madalas kapag may mga masasamang nangyayari sakin I always look for someone to blame, siguro this is my way to escape sa mga pressures at stress na nararanasan ko. At kanina habang nasa simbahan ako at nakikinig sa sermon ni father, di ko maiwasan na maalala ang mga bagay na nagawan ko ng mali. yung mga pagkakataon na nagagalit ako sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin kahit wala naman silang kasalanan, mga taong lumayo sakin dahil sa mga ka,immaturan ko, mga taong di kinaya ng pasensya nila ang mga pananaw ko sa buhay. Dumating rin sa punto na tinanong ko ang Diyos kung bakit patuloy niya pa din ako sinusubok sa aking pananampalataya. Oo di ako ganun karelihiyoso pero alam ko naman sa sarili ko na naisasabuhay at naisasapuso ko lahat ng aral ng Panginoon di ko rin kasi talaga lubos maintindihan kung bakit kailangan ng tao dumaan sa mga maraming pagsubok, Hindi pa ba tama ang isa o dalawa na pagsubok upang matutunan ang daloy ng buhay?

Dear you,
Hi! I just want you to know that I am very happy that you’re part of my life. I may not say this often, but you know what? everything becomes easier when you’re around. I don’t really know what is in you that makes me very happy. There’s something in you that other people don’t have. There’s something in you that I keep on looking for, keep on embracing and keep on needing.

What if I told you that the happiest moments of my life is when I am with you? Would you stay with me if I ask you to be with me? What if I tell you that I’m already falling for you? Would you still be there? not just a friend, but a lover? Would you?

Love,
Me.

GROWING UP

It’s realizing what matters most and what doesn’t. It’s when you realize that there are people who aren’t worth your time at all. There are people who hinder you to do stuff you can, and it’s when you can express yourself to other people straight to the point. It’s when you choose to follow your mind than what other people say. It’s when you stand by your friends when they’re in need. It’s when you realize that it’s always good to do the right thing than to be nice.

Some people don’t really grow up. They think they know what they’re doing, but actually they don’t. They only grow up, after the big mistake they’ve done. They come running off to their parents saying “I should have listened”. Sometimes, it’s better to listen to your parent’s advice because when someone gives you a straight forward advice, it means they’ve already gone through that experience, and what they’re telling you will help you. They’re telling you that they’ve already done that, they’ve been there and you’ll get through, simply because they did.

We’ll all grow up…soon…realize what life really is…

FEELINGS DIE.

If you think this post will talk about girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, NO. I am talking about friendship.
Did you ever experience the time when you had a cold war with one of your friends? Like, you’re not angry with him/her instead, you’re just feeling so awkward having him/her around. It’s just like, there’s something wrong between you two and you just don’t seem to have that urge to fix it. You just let it be. Talk to me or not, I really don’t care. I don’t really know why but I feel so okay without you. I mean, those months of friendship we’ve shared, it just doesn’t appear before me now. I felt the change. I felt the need to move on. I just don’t feel like reviving our lost friendship.
I really think that my feelings for our friendship died last week. Like, it doesn’t exist.
Oh well, feelings die, people change, the world revolves, life goes on with or without you.

TIME MACHINE

Kung merong time machine, hindi ako babalik. Hindi ko pinag sisisihan mga ginawa ko dati. Sabi nga nila, wag mong pag sisihan ang mga bagay oh mga salita na ginusto mo talagang sabihin. Gusto ko sigurong itape lahat ng mga magagandang pangyayare dati, siguro kung babalik man ako, may dala akong camera at gusto ko invisible ako, yung parang makikita ko yung sarili ko na “AH AKO PALA TO, GANITO PALA AKO”. Tapos pag balik ko sa present, papanoorin ko. Mas maganda pa yon sa kahit anong movie na pinapalabas. Panoorin mo sarili mo.
Pero pupuntahan ko talaga ang future ko, tingnan ko kung ano ako sa future. Pag nakita kong panget ang future ko, mag cracram ako sa present at gagalingan ko at i mamake sure ko na hindi ako magiging ganon. Pag maganda naman eh di, GO LANG, ibig sabihin lang nito na maganda ang mga ginagawa ko nung present. I mean ngayon.

PANGAKO.????

Dati naniniwala ako dito, pero ngayon hindi na. Pag may taong nag sasabi sakin ng kung ano mang pangako, umo OO nalang ako, dahil naka tatak na sa utak ko na hindi mang yayari yun.Kung hindi nila tutuparin yun, baka kakalimutan lang. Ganon naman ang tao, pag masaya, hanep kung maka pangako, pero pag galit ? grabeng pa dalos dalos ng desisyon.
Kaya nagugulo ang mga buhay natin. Nasasaktan ang mgapinapangakuan, nasasaktan ang mga taong umaasa. Kaya nga sinabing mas mabuti ang wag umasa dahil pag hindi ka umasa, walang mawawala sayo. Mang yare man oh hindi parang wala lang yon. So pag pinangakuan ka ng isang tao, wag ka ng maniwala. Iilan lang sa mga tao ngayon ang marunong tumupad. Hindi lahat ng tao ay mapapag katiwalaan.

Lalo na sa mga relasyon. Pangako ba kamo ? baka mamaya pag nag away kayo wala na lahat yang pangako na yan.Nakalimutan na sa galit. Hindi rin naman masisisi ang mga tao dahil talaga namang natural na nang yayare ito. Ang mga pangako ay natural nalang din kinakalimutan.
Pangakong sabi mo ay hindi kailan ma babali ? pero ngayon ? asan na ?
ang pinaka matinding tanong pa..
TANDA MO PA BA ? ANG PINANGAKO MO ? HINDI NA SIGURO. ALAM MO KUNG BAKIT? NA NGANGAKO KA NA KASE ULIT SA IBA.
isa nanamang taong maloloko at mapapa asa mo.

Sometimes you need to stand up for what you believe in.

Sometimes you need to stand up for what you believe in. Even if that means standing alone.
Not because everyone thinks that it’s the right thing to do means you have to go along with it even if it’s against your will. You always have to trust yourself no matter what. Cause you’re the only person who knows what’s best for you and what makes you happy. They’re not in your place. So think it over. Your decision might be right. You might be right. You against all odds. All you have to do is to try.

You don’t have to forget someone you love.

You don’t have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being sorry for yourself.
I can see a lot of teen agers who says that they should forget the one they love even if it’s too painful. Well, in my opinion, you can never forget someone who once made you laugh, smile, love, forgive and so much more. You can’t. That person would always be on your mind no matter what.
You don’t need to forget, what you need to do is to accept and live everyday of your life without him/her. You didn’t move on, you just accepted the fact that you can’t be together again. The key to over come someone is to get used to living apart from him/her

“Nalaman kong marami palang libreng lecture sa mundo, ikaw ang gagawa ng syllabus. Maraming teacher sa labas ng eskuwelahan, desisyon mo kung kanino ka magpapaturo. Lahat tayo enrolled ngayon sa isang university, maraming subject na mahirap, pero dahil libre, ikaw ang talo kung nag-drop ka. Isa-isa tayong ga-graduate, iba’t-ibang paraan. tanging diploma ay ang mga alaala ng kung ano mang tulong o pagmamahal ang iniwan natin sa mundong pinangarap nating baguhin minsan…”

“Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!”

“nalaman kong hindi final exam ang passing rate ng buhay. hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the-blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw. Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan ang mga isinulat o wala. Not Allowed ang erasures.”