Happy Thoughts

I woke up this morning not wanting to get up. Opened our PC and played some music to suit my mood. The music’s theme is about a good life. I asked myself, what’s a good life for me ?A picture of you popped in my mind, I imagined a life with you. I thought of waking up in the morning seeing your face soundly sleeping. I thought of taking pictures of you and making it the wallpaper of cp and my desk. I thought of making breakfast for you and waiting for you to come home from work. We lived in my big dream house. I also thought of a chubby child walking around our house. It’s our son. You and me playing at his nursery. A very happy family. This is what I dream of every morning. It’s a life with you. I hope this comes true. In any way I’ll make this happen. I don’t usually write this early but because of the things going on through my mind right now, I really need an escape. Anyway, have a good day !

Tainted Friendship

Have you ever experienced waking up one day and you don’t care about that one person who used to be everything to you, or maybe played a big part in your life? Have you? ‘Cause I have.
I really don’t know what happened. It’s just that there was this one person in school, he was my best friend. Yeah, I call him as “Tatay” and he call me as "Anak". We talk a lot everyday beside the staircase before class starts and at the student lounge after class, talking about senseless things about both of our lives. Exchanging opinions about something and sharing problems. And then this day came, I woke up, went to school, I saw him, said “HI” and I felt awkwardness. It went on and on between us, I always asking him directly, but I know that he know that I noticed that something changed. Until one day I came to him and said “Do we have a problem?” he said “No, I mean I don’t know”.
Honestly, I've realized that I should stop asking him if we can fix our tainted friendship. I really don’t know. It’s just that I’m not comfortable talking to him anymore. I don’t mean to be rude, or I didn't mean to leave him behind, but it’s true. Feelings change through time.

I think I realized that I don’t need you or I can be happy without you, I don’t need to cling to you no more. I don’t know. It just feels right that we’re not talking anymore. What the fuck, I don’t even understand myself right now. Up until now, it’s still awkward running across you in the hallways. I swear.

Friendship left us? I guess…

While listening in the homily last morning I almost burst into tears.

While listening in the homily last morning I almost burst into tears. Many things came into a realization, many things I didn’t think that will hurt me most.
Madalas kapag may mga masasamang nangyayari sakin I always look for someone to blame, siguro this is my way to escape sa mga pressures at stress na nararanasan ko. At kanina habang nasa simbahan ako at nakikinig sa sermon ni father, di ko maiwasan na maalala ang mga bagay na nagawan ko ng mali. yung mga pagkakataon na nagagalit ako sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin kahit wala naman silang kasalanan, mga taong lumayo sakin dahil sa mga ka,immaturan ko, mga taong di kinaya ng pasensya nila ang mga pananaw ko sa buhay. Dumating rin sa punto na tinanong ko ang Diyos kung bakit patuloy niya pa din ako sinusubok sa aking pananampalataya. Oo di ako ganun karelihiyoso pero alam ko naman sa sarili ko na naisasabuhay at naisasapuso ko lahat ng aral ng Panginoon di ko rin kasi talaga lubos maintindihan kung bakit kailangan ng tao dumaan sa mga maraming pagsubok, Hindi pa ba tama ang isa o dalawa na pagsubok upang matutunan ang daloy ng buhay?